Well, the NFL no longer has to worry about any of its players packing a prosthetic penis when submitting to a drug test. In 2005, an “Original Whizzinator” was found in the luggage of former Vikings running back Onterrio Smith while he was attempting to board a plane. Smith later was suspended by the league, and has yet to be reinstated. According to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, the folks who brought us the Whizzinator are in water much hotter than 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit. Gerald Willis and Robert Catalano were charged on Tuesday with conspiracy to defraud the federal government. They are expected to plead guilty. (The web site for the Whizzinator is still operational; we doubt that any future orders will be filled.) As it turns out, the mere marketing of the plastic pee-pee triggered the violation. Because various federal agencies (such as the FAA) require certain workers to produce clean urine samples in order to do things like, you know, fly planes, the Whizzinator provided a handy tool for scamming the system. The company’s lawyer, Stanton Levenson, apparently viewed the Whizzinator as an item of drug paraphernalia, and that selling it was not illegal. But given the fraud angle, Levenson has seen the light. “We’re convinced that the government’s theory is correct, and the government has a case,” Levenson said. “Obviously, it’s serious if somebody is faking drug tests who is then driving a tractor-trailer or a bus or flying an airplane.” Wow. If only Levenson had been able to communicate such wisdom before his clients were in line for an extended stay in a facility where they’ll wish the penises were fake.