1. Chiefs (last week No. 1; 5-0): The official 2024 slogan is “Sluggish At Times But Always Inevitable.”
2. Lions (No. 2; 3-1): Hopefully, Dan Skipper spent the bye week practicing his reporting-as-eligible technique; a return to Dallas is on deck.
3. Vikings (No. 3; 5-0): The special teams need work, with the exception of the kicker.
4. Texans (No. 6; 4-1): It’s not too early to circle the Week 16 game at Kansas City as potentially determining the site of the No. 1 seed.
5. Commanders (No. 9; 4-1): We’ll learn a lot about this team on Sunday, when they visit the next team on the list.
6. Ravens (No. 11; 3-2): “Pick Your Poison” is both a way to refer to the offense and the title of a poem Edgar Allen Poe never got around to writing.
7. Packers (No. 10; 3-2): Given where we thought they’d be after Jordan Love was injured, they’re in great shape.
8. Falcons (No. 13; 3-2): Kirk Cousins keeps getting more and more comfortable on his new team.
9. Buccaneers (No. 4; 3-2): They need Antoine Winfield Jr. back, badly.
10. Bills (No. 5; 3-2): Why aren’t they linked to Davante Adams?
11. Cowboys (No. 19; 3-2): Dak Prescott is earning his money.
12. Steelers (No. 7; 3-2): It’s Russell Wilson time.
13. Eagles (No. 12; 2-2): Some winnable games are coming up. Now, they just need to win them.
14. 49ers (No. 8; 2-3): 0-2 in the division and 0-3 in the conference is not the way to get back to another Super Bowl.
15. Broncos (No. 15; 3-2): Can we permanently turn the clock back to 1977 for the Broncos’ uniforms?
16. Saints (No. 14; 2-3): If Derek Carr can’t play quarterback, how about Khalen Saunders?
17. Seahawks (No. 16; 3-2): Now do you see why they weren’t any higher when they started with three wins against so-so foes?
18. Bears (No. 22; 3-2): They’re getting better. But so is the rest of the division.
19. Cardinals (No. 23; 2-3): Kyler Murray is as good as ever. If not better.
20. Chargers (No. 20; 2-2): Attack the bye with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind?
21. Jets (No. 17; 2-3): He missed a year. It looks more like he fell asleep under a tree for twenty.
22. Colts (No. 18; 2-3): The fact that coach Shane Steichen had to say Anthony Richardson is still the starter proves how well Joe Flacco is doing.
23. Giants (No. 25; 2-3): Winning without Malik Nabers is the best sign yet that there’s still hope.
24. Bengals (No. 21; 1-4): They’ll finish strong. If they ever can get started.
25. Rams (No. 24; 1-4): Can they avoid more injuries during the bye week?
26. Titans (No. 26; 1-3): They should ride the hot hand with Mason Rudolph.
27. Dolphins (No. 28; 2-3): A win is a win even when it doesn’t feel like one.
28. Raiders (No. 27; 2-3): Maybe they should have signed Joe Flacco.
29. Jaguars (No. 32; 1-4): Was Sunday a fluke or the start of a turnaround?
30. Browns (No. 29; 1-4): They have to pay Deshaun Watson, but they don’t have to play him.
31. Patriots (No. 30; 1-4): If they aren’t “teetering on a mutiny,” they should be.
32. Panthers (No. 31; 1-4): They’re on track to win the right to have the best player in the draft to refuse to sign with them.
