Butler bitter about no straw policy

Pig Miller played pretty much his entire career with a toothpick in his mouth, but suddenly Caron Butler’s straw chewing is a safety issue so big that the NBA league office needs to weigh in. Sure it is.

Butler is not happy about the new banning of straws policy, and he told Jim Rome about it.

“I mean I am a little bitter about it. I have been doing it for eight years ever since I have been in the NBA but rules is rules and it is what it is so I am going to go back to my Mountain Dew.”

Rome then asked everyone’s first question: Why were you chewing straws in the first place? You know they invented gum, right?

“I mean I just always used to chew stuff because, one, it was traditional and another thing it just had me at ease out there. It was something that I did. A lot of people chew gum when they are playing basketball. I just always chewed my straws.”

No word yet on what his replacement chew toy will be.

The whole thing is silly -- Butler has always chewed straws in the NBA. Why notice and crack down now? Clearly, the spies that David Stern has following Mark Cuban around looking for infractions were having a slow day and turned their eyes to Butler and his outlaw straws.

Hey, Stern: You may like the NFL’s economic model, but the fans don’t like the No Fun League part of it. Don’t be bringing that to the NBA.