Sometime today, or tomorrow, or over the next couple days, Roger Goodell will announce Tom Brady’s punishment for DeflateGate, and in a split second the world will go crazy. Or crazier, I should say. At any rate, as bad as this might get for the Patriots, there’s comfort in knowing that Roger Goodell has already lost; that no matter what he does, he’ll be wrong. He’ll be too harsh, or too lenient, or both at the same time. Either way, and as usual, the ship has sailed on the commissioner saving face, and as usual, now we wait for the runaway SS Goodell to come crashing into the docks and leave the NFL more polluted than it already is.
In the meantime, let’s continue to rip apart that 243-page pile of toilet paper known as the Wells report because 1) what else are we going to do? 2) It’s too easy.
You know, one thing I’ve heard over and over from NFL critics this past week is how they can’t believe that the Wells report is 243 pages, while the Mueller report (which investigated the league’s access to the Ray Rice elevator video) was only 93 pages — but really, it makes total sense.
In both cases, the “report” began with a simple question:
Wells: Did the Patriots illegally deflate footballs before the AFC Championship?
Mueller: Did the NFL see the Ray Rice video before suspending Rice for only two games?
In both cases, there was insufficient evidence to prove anything either way.
However, the Mueller report concluded that this “thing” that can’t be proven did NOT happen. Meanwhile, the Wells report concluded that this “thing” that can’t be proven DID happen. So, you can see why old Teddy went a little heavier on content. He had a lot more convincing, finessing, and manipulating to do.
To put it another way: Ted Wells thinks that you’re an idiot.
He thinks that we’re all idiots.
His report is a non-stop gauntlet of spin, diversions and feces slinging monkeys, and to this point, we’ve done a pretty good job of scraping below the surface, and excavating the rats. For instance, we already know about Exponent and his other pals from Thank You For Smoking. Thanks to Mike Florio, which is weird to say, we know what Wells tried to pull one over with the gauges. And then of course, there are the text messages. We’ve all seen and heard about the text messages. In the absence of a smoking gun, Wells built majority of his case around access to a series of text conversations between equipment guy John Jastremski and Jim “THE DEFLATOR” McNally.
Wells was particularly into the conversation that Jastremski and THE DEFLATOR had on Friday, October 17 — the morning after the Jets game that enraged Brady so much to begin with. He mentions this conversation four different times.
The first time is on page 4, as Wells comes out swinging, trying to hijack the readers’ bias, all while knowing that most people won’t read past page 5. Basically, the opening section is Wells trying to sell you a beautiful house with a perfect lawn and a white picket fence — and hoping you’ll sign the deed before you realize that the house is loaded with asbestos and the white fence is made of human limbs.
On page 4, Wells writes: “In the weeks and months before the AFC Championship Game, McNally periodically exchanged text messages with the Patriots equipment assistant primarily responsible for the preparation of the Patriots game balls, John Jastremski. In a number of those text messages, McNally and Jastremski discussed the air pressure of Patriots game balls, Tom Brady’s unhappiness with the inflation level of Patriots game balls, Jastremski’s plan to provide McNally with a “needle” for use by McNally, and McNally’s requests for “cash” and sneakers together with the “needle” to be provided by Jastremski. A sports ball inflation needle is a device that can be used to inflate a football (if attached to an air pump) or release air from a football (if inserted alone into a ball).
For example, on October 17, 2014, following a Thursday night game between the Patriots and the New York Jets during which Tom Brady complained angrily about the inflation level of the game balls, McNally and Jastremski exchanged the following text messages:
McNally: Tom sucks… I’m going make that next ball a f*ckin balloon.
Jastremski: Talked to him last night. He actually brought you up and said you must have a lot of stress trying to get them done.
Jastremski: I told him it was. He was right though...
Jastremski: I checked some of the balls this morn... The refs f*cked us... a few of then were at almost 16.
Jastremski: They didn’t recheck then after they put air in them.
McNally: F*ck tom… 16 is nothing… Wait till next Sunday
Jastremski: Omg! Spaz.
***
OK, so that’s the first time we see those texts. Presented exactly like they are above. Just one stream of rapid-fire conversation about angry Tom Brady and his balls.
The same conversation is mentioned again on page 17, as Wells makes the case that Brady knew what was going on, and was most likely orchestrating this devious deflation charade.
Wells writes: “We nevertheless believe, that based on the totality of the evidence, that it is more probable than not that Brady was at least generally aware of the inappropriate activities of McNally and Jastremski involving the release of air from Patriots game balls. Evidence of Brady’s awareness appears in text communications between McNally and Jastremski. For example, in text messages exchanged with McNally in October 2014 discussing Brady’s unhappiness with the inflation level of Patriots game balls, Jastremski told McNally that “he actually brought you up” and “said you must have a lot of stress trying to get them done.” In relevant part, the text message exchange stated:
McNally: Tom sucks… I’m going make that next ball a f*ckin balloon.
Jastremski: Talked to him last night. He actually brought you up and said you must have a lot of stress trying to get them done.
Jastremski: I told him it was. He was right though...
Jastremski: I checked some of the balls this morn... The refs f*cked us... a few of then were at almost 16.
Wells continued: “We believe that the most plausible reading of this exchange, based on the context and the evidence, is that Brady “brought up” McNally, told Jastremski that McNally “must have a lot of stress trying” to get the footballs “done” and that Jastremski told Brady that it was stressful for McNally. Jastremski’s text message thus attributes to Brady knowledge of McNally’s efforts to get the footballs “done” and the stress involved. We reject as implausible the reading offered by Jastremski, McNally and counsel for the Patriots that certain portions of this exchange refer to a person other than Brady.”
***
OK, so now we’ve seen this conversation twice. Both times in the same context. Although this time, at the very end, after already twice presenting it as an indisputable reality, Wells casually mentions that McNally, Jastremski and the Pats’ lawyers all claim that the conversation was taken out of context, and was not entirely about Tom Brady.
OK.
Now, after seeing the conversation framed twice over the first 17 pages, we don’t see it again until page 77. At this point, Wells is once again discussing Brady’s dissatisfaction with the balls from that Jets game — which ultimately led to the text conversation in question. But while he presented that conversation in the same context the first two times, this time, buried deep in the annals of this horrifically boring manifesto, there are three major changes.
1) For the first time, each message is time-stamped, so now, the conversation reads like this:
09:05:45 EDT
McNally: Tom sucks… I’m going make that next ball a f*ckin balloon.
09:07:08 EDT
Jastremski: Talked to him last night. He actually brought you up and said you must have a lot of stress trying to get them done.
09:07:37 EDT
Jastremski: I told him it was. He was right though...
09:08:07 EDT
Jastremski: I checked some of the balls this morn... The refs f*cked us... a few of then were at almost 16.
09:08:29 EDT
Jastremski: They didn’t recheck then after they put air in them.
09:16:31 EDT
McNally: F*ck tom… 16 is nothing… Wait till next Sunday
09:16:52 EDT
Jastremski: Omg! Spaz.
2) The second difference is the first of two long-winded, tiny typed footnotes tacked to the end of the newly time-stamped conversation.
The first footnote reads: “Although Renaissance was able to retrieve limited information about certain deleted messages from Jastremski’s phone, the contact information could not be fully recovered. In addition, Renaissance was unable to determine with certainty when the recovered messages were deleted or whether there were other relevant deleted messages (i.e., deleted messages that left no recoverable information at all).”
Translation: “This entire conversation was previously deleted from Jastremski’s phone, and we have no idea if we got the whole thing back.”
(That’s especially interesting given the 1:23 gap between McNally’s original “Tom sucks” and Jastremski making reference to the “him” that he swears was someone other than Brady.)
3. The third difference is the second footnote, which reads: “Based on the data collected from Jastremski’s phone, McNally’s 9:05 a.m. text was the first text message exchange between them in twelve days. The cell phone data retrieved from Jastremski's phone by Renaissance does not reflect any telephone conversations between Jastremski and McNally during that period.”
Translation: “Despite the fact that these two men are in cahoots to illegally deflate game balls for the sinister Tom Brady, they had no text communication over a 12-day period in the middle of the season that included a pair of division games against the Jets and Bills.
**********
So that’s the third mention, with a few strategically-placed, agenda killing caveats, yet on the very next page, Wells still writes: “In our view, the most plausible reading of the text messages exchanged between 9:05:45 and 9:16:52 is that the entire message string relates to Brady’s complaints about the game balls, McNally’s suggestion that future game balls would be over-inflated, conversations between Jastremski and Brady about the game balls, and Jastremski’s confirmation that Brady “was right” that the game balls used during the Jets game were over-inflated. In other words, we believe that the most plausible reading of Jastremski’s messages to McNally at 9:07:08 and 9:07:37 is that Jastremski talked to Brady the night of the Jets game, that Brady brought McNally up and said that McNally “must have a lot of stress trying to get them done,” and that Jastremski told Brady that “it was” stressful for McNally.”
In other words, Wells makes reference to an “entire message string” immediately after admitting that he has no clue if these message strings are being presented in their entirety. And again, there just happens to be a significant time gap, not mention an awkward shifted in tenses, at the very point that Jastremski and McNally claim that conversation was altered?
Even though the report is 243 pages, the last 100+ are an appendix. Wells’ executive summary actually winds down at page 139, and on page 126, he mentions his favorite conversation one more time while making one last reiteration of why he thinks that Tom Brady did it. Naturally, as it was the first two times, this version of the conversation is void of time stamps and foot notes and anything that might lead one to shy away from making grand assumptions.
Instead, that’s exactly what Wells does: “As discussed above, we believe that the most plausible reading of this exchange, based on context and the evidence, is that Brady “brought up” McNally, told Jastremski that McNally “must have a lot of stress trying” to get the footballs “done” and that Jastremski told Brady that it was stressful for McNally. Jastremski’s text message thus attributes to Brady knowledge of McNally’s efforts to get the footballs “done” and the stress involved. We reject as implausible the reading offered by Jastremski, McNally and counsel for the Patriots that portions of this exchange refer to Jastremski’s Friend rather than to Brady.”
And that’s that.
And if you ask me, that’s ridiculous, and insulting and unprofessional. Especially when tracking down deleted text messages isn’t even that hard. In fact, this weekend I took the Wells report to the Genius Bar and within 10 minutes, Glen and I were wrist deep and Jastremski’s iCloud. And it was all there.
The full conversation.
In all its glory:
09:05:45 EDT
McNally: Tom sucks… I’m going make that next ball a f*ckin balloon.
09:06:11 EDT
Jastremski: LOL. Hey so when are you going to have that camera set up for Bears practice?
09:06:25 EDT
McNally: Aw hell. Now Belichick is whining, too?
09:06:35 EDT
Jastremski: Sorrrry : )
09:06:57 EDT
McNally: Well you tell that goon that I used the rest of the tape on the Jets last week. Gotta few more extra rolls, but I need to delete some old footage first.
09:07:08 EDT
Jastremski: Talked to him last night. He actually brought you up and said you must have a lot of stress trying to get them done.
09:07:18 EDT
McNally: And I’m guessing you said it was my fault?
09:07:37 EDT
Jastremski: I told him it was. He was right though...
09:07:55 EDT
McNally: OK, Fine. So now what’s Tom bitching about?
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